Just One More

Leo sat at Rowan’s side for hours quietly weaving a tail of their friends for her to hear. He wished he could do more but knew right now that just speaking to her was helping. He was interrupted by a soft knock on the door followed by the doctor quietly entering the room. The man took in the scene before him with a sigh, it was clear that this hurt even him to see.

“I know she can hear you and I’m sure she appreciates that you are here for her,” The doctor said softly.

“That being said I’m afraid that I have to ask you to leave the room for now. I have a few test to run but it shouldn’t take long.”

“I understand, I think she could use some fresh flowers anyways. Just take care of her for me,” Leo said softly as he stood to leave. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea for him to go and stretch his legs. It has been almost two weeks that he has been sitting by Rowan's side telling her stories and the time has taken its toll on him.

Stepping out Leo was met with a soft drizzle, it has been raining now for nearly a week. To Leo, it has been like even the sky has been crying at the loss of Rowan. While he respects even Mother Nature’s sorrow it has made things even harder on him. Less than a week ago he found himself breaking down and nearly losing himself to the depression and loneliness.

Lost in his own thoughts Leo’s feet moved on their own accord taking him down the street and into the local convenience store, it wasn’t until he was standing at the register that he realized what he was doing. In his hand was a pack of cigarettes. It was an old habit, one he had kicked when he started dating Rowan. He never wanted her to know this side of him, the side that had to lean on drugs to help him through. He could still remember the day he decided to quit, the day she agreed to be his girlfriend. She was so pure and bright in that moment and he didn’t want to lose it, to lose her but now he didn’t know how much more time he had with her. That in mind he caved and bought the pack in his hand.

Stepping back out onto the damp street Leo slowly pulled a single cigarette from the pack and placed it between his lips. As he lifted the lighter he hesitated, could he really turn his back on all that work because of one bad moment in his life? As he stood there a small family passed him. He watched as the little girl jumped from puddle to puddle in front of her smiling parents. Just looking at them Leo could tell just how in love they were with each other, so in love, they didn’t even look up at him. They may not have looked but he could feel them judging him. He knew that they couldn’t approve of someone so sad in their lives, someone that would burst their bubble of joy. It made him hate them a little, why did they get to be so happy when he was so depressed? What did they do to get such a good life? More importantly, what did he do to get such a bad one?

Frustrated and even more depressed Leo lit the cigarette reveling in the first drag and the calming waves that came with it. It was like a hug from an old friend, welcoming and relaxing. It put all his fears at ease and made this whole thing so much more doable. By the time he had finished his first cigarette Leo was more relaxed and put together than he had been since this whole started. Stashing away the pack and his lighter Leo continued down the street to the follower shop determined to finish the task he first set out for.
By the time Leo returned to the hospital he was wet but it didn’t seem to bother him. He quietly stepped into Rowan’s room and placed the white roses in the vase beside her bed. As he looked down over the love of his life he could feel the guilt of that one cigarette weighing on his shoulders but he knew deep down inside that she was the only thing that could get him to stop again and until she was awake he would be caught in that dark dangerous spiral. He just prayed that she could forgive him when she woke.